Building a business is more than producing and pricing your product; it is based on relationships. People you know can help you with ideas, inspiration, and referrals. So, how can you make your circle of influence bigger?
The only way to build genuine, long-lasting relationships is the old-fashioned way: with people skills. Generally, we make friends with people who share something in common. How do you discover what you have in common?
Listen.
The old saying, “You have two ears and one mouth. Use them proportionally,” still holds. It is easy to understand and hard to practice. Try concentrating on what the person you are talking with is saying, not on what you will say next. Ask questions instead of telling your side. People love to be listened to and are happy to share. You will connect faster, find more in common and build friendships more quickly.
We all get so busy that personal meetings may be too infrequent to keep a strong relationship going. In order to increase contact with people, take advantage of small things you can do between in-person conversations:
- Comment meaningfully on their social posts
- Tag them when you see something you know they’ll love
- Drop them a short note or call telling them you “were thinking of them when (fill in reason) and were wondering how they were doing.”
Be present.
Don’t look at your watch, check your phone, or get distracted. When you are conversing with someone, give that person your full attention. Many of us get distracted easily, and it takes a lot of self-control to do this. It is worth the effort. Turn off your screens (computer and TV), silence your music and your phone, and remember to listen! When you make time for people, they’ll make time for you. When people make time for you, it means they’re listening — and you’re influencing.
Follow Through.
Credibility is built on trust. You build trust each time you are true to your word, touch base, and have a genuine interest in a person. Of course, this means you must do what you said you would do. In addition, you can build trust with:
- Follow-up calls, texts, or emails (preferably the recipient’s favorite of these forms of contact.)
- Drop a thank you note in the old mailbox.
- Keep an eye out for opportunities for them.
Choose your battles.
With friends, you have to use the silver bullet theory. You only have a few of those precious silver bullets, so use them very sparingly. Choose when to shoot (open your mouth) very carefully. When you disagree about something, rather than giving your opinion, ask questions to find out why they have their opinion. It is hard to be angry at someone once you find out how they came to their opinion. Oh, and never talk about politics or religion with business friends.
When do you choose to shoot a silver bullet? If you do, the argument may become the end of the friendship. Shooting a silver bullet is not likely to change their opinion. Save those silver bullets for when they are necessary for troubling issues that you cannot put off, like the harassment of an employee or something equally disturbing. Even then, you’ll make more impact on their thinking with thoughtful words chosen to raise awareness.
Keep Learning.
Continuing your personal development helps you extend your circle. The reading and education you complete makes you more interesting to talk to and gives you more ideas to share. People follow others whom they like and trust. Personal development can make you a better leader and increase your credibility. As you learn and align your intentions with behavior, the more your circle will grow.
